If only I had eyes, that saw the future,
I would have long avoided this pain
If only I had the heart, to bear it all
I would never have complained
If only I did not have the courage, to say
Time would have written a different story
If only our eyes would have never met, like they did
Rescue efforts would not have been in vain.
Run, Run away... may be that will solve things
Run, Run away, and the climax will only be delayed.
After getting wet in some chilly winter rains, I was sitting in my warm and comfortable guest house, sipping hot ‘Adrak ki Chai’ and surfing channels. In the process I came across, ‘Aaj Tak’, that boast about being the best News channel in the country, I put my remote at rest as it was running a story on Indian cricket. I enjoy watching reports in media, when they hail our cricketers the best in the world and change their opinion after the tournament, mind you with a great dramatic effect.
But this time it was different! They were not scrutinizing the players, but raising a very important social issue within the country! They were questioning, why is it that there is no ‘Dalit’ in the Indian cricket team!’
I felt a warm gratitude to the producers of the show, who very painstakingly looked up for data, dating back to 1929, when a Dalit was made the captain of a club team, and how even after so many years, there has been no change in the Indian caste system! What I would like to know is, where did this caste system begin?
I want to ask them a simple question, aren’t there enough problems in the country to draw the public attention to? There are floods; there is Chinese conspiracy, the cross border terrorism and the in-house naxals to worry about. Why do you build a story that will do nothing but, give the political leaders like Mayawati and the likes, another point to bully the government or for that matter BCCI (believe me they can very well do that)!
There will be another morcha and another few hundred thousands will loose a days salary and will listen to never concluding debates. There is enough time being wasted in our two houses on dismal issues, please don’t build any!
The idea of reservation, was to help them come up, give them privileges for a short amount of time, so that they can rebuild and regroup themselves. But instead of adding that, we are feeding them wit more comforts each day and winning elections to eat public wealth. Please correct me if I am wrong.
The idea is to remove these castes and walk as a nation, not to have reservations and increase the divide!
Anyways, coming back to the best news channel in the country, what are you suggesting that we have a reservation there? Do we have a dalit or someone from the backward classes as captain, and not on merit?
If you look at the figures in out IIT’s the number of students entering the course and then the numbers subsequently graduating is different. Any idea why? Well the students that enter an IIT, through various caste reservations, are unable to cope up with the studies and then subsequently drop out from the course! This means, that those seats through which another deserving candidate could have made a career for himself is wasted!
It is my earnest request to the media channels in the country that respect the position of being one of the pillars of the Indian constitution, help build a unified nation, not a divided state!
The pouring sky, with the glittering smile,
Smoky weather, with clouds in pile
Shivering winds, that hits the face
Everything down here is in a snail’s pace!
Up above, a million mile
To what that seems a glittering smile
A war is on, army of snowy face
Fighting for supremacy, within the race!
The shining god, of light, so loving
Over shadowed by the cotton balls sparking
Watches the clash,
He knows it will all be over in a splash!
O Yee God of light,
Spread some joy,
Please stop the flight
Let there be a sky apt for a kite!
Enough worries here down below
Rivers with blood of friends turned foe’s
Let there be some of your light
on us so low!
Please please stop the fight!
With your glow!
Revolution: a fundamental change in the way of thinking about or visualizing something: a change of paradigm
A revolutionary is a person who either actively participates in, or advocates revolution
There are a lot of things in this world that are perfect. They must be just as they need to be. We are so happy for the same that we believe that it must never change. But what we forget is that there is something that will always happen. The wheels of time will keep moving; keep the endless journey on, in search of nothing but contradictions and complete disregard. It’s nothing but the revolution.
The wheel of time is what brings us to the point of it being a revolution. Whether it is any of the political, social or cultural revolution, they have all taken place in striking similarities. I have come to believe its more like fashion. Yes, as absurd as it may sound, I completely believe in the same.
There is a time, when we believed that 1 man or 1 family had the divine right to rule and protect. Then came the time that a few thought it was their moral duty to rule the underprivileged nations and exploit them. Then came a time when the maximum number of revolutions happened. It was the time when the world fought to be independent and empowered to design their path to their own doom. And they got it. Some did it peacefully, some with blood on their hands, but they all got what they wanted.
The interesting fact is that they all fought for the greater good and ended up making the most for themselves. Technically, probably more for their families. The kings were now replaced by social order and a hope of choice.
With time to come, things are fast changing, but now we are running into revolutions everyday. Instead of a full scale mass movement, it’s more like movements in pockets.
What is the reason for this? Why is it that we are no longer interested in this? Although we talk a lot, we crib a lot, we voice our opinion, but why not a revolution? Or is this the revolution in itself? Is in that the definition of a revolution itself has to be reframed?
Do we need a Mass Revolution? Social, Cultural or even Political?
I was sitting in my lonely room thinking of doing something or just go on and sleep, just then the phone rang. It was an unknown number and in an instant I knew who it would be. It was her, the same girl who was so close not so long a ago. All of a sudden the boundaries grew and here we were.
As I took the call, I knew what was going to great me and I was correct. She was on the other side talking in her cheerful voice, I was happy. I was happy that at least she cared. She cared to call as she had promised. It was almost sympathetic in her approach, but I was happy. Then I realized how come she is calling now? It is supposed to be early morning there! I asked her, where was she and she replied at the airport!
‘What are you doing at the airport?’ I asked, still baffled. ‘I am going to ________, he lives there!’ ‘I don’t think I told you, but I and ______ got back together! I knew it would happen someday, but so soon, I was not sure. I have a week off so I am traveling to meet him.’ she said. The rest of the conversation was more of a filler at least for me, and as I believe it, even for her.
I don’t know why, but I feel bad, feel lost. It was all so logical and I had taken the step. But it still stings, the fangs of the past still hurt and they poison my present and probably my future and there is no cure I am aware of for the same. She prayed and begged, but I was adamant. It was the right thing to do. But then, why can’t I be happy for her? She has finally moved on, she has found someone. Although it’s a compromise as I would like to see it, but for her it’s the world. I call myself a friend, but why am I unhappy about it?
I definitely know, it is not her fault and I also know things will not happen, but why is it that I feel the pain? I don’t expect anything from her, but I still am silent after speaking to her.
I know that the call was not just like that; it was meant to pass the message. A message that said, ‘No matter what you think, no matter what you did, I have moved on and I want you to know, you no longer hold a place’. As I hate to say this, the message was well conveyed. I am happy for her.
Lost in this whirlpool of thoughts, I pray and ask for forgiveness. Not from the Gods, not from the world, but from her.
On this extended weekend, I was in Bareilly (UP, India). During my visit, I was staying at one of the family friend’s house. It was great being there as they embraced my company with open arms. During the course of the conversation, we landed on the point about today’s generation. How they don’t want to be a part of the family business, be at home, expand the business. He went on to say that the youth these days are out there to prove their competence to the world, but won’t stand up to support the family business.
In my attempt to defend my generation, I told him that ideals have not changed, the idea still remains that we work as hard as possible as much as we can and get the best for the family. Come to a point in our professional lives that we tell our fathers to relax, sit back in his comfort chair and spend some peaceful time. Take all the tensions and worries from his shoulders and relieve him, to do things he always wanted to do, but never ad time for the same.
Slowly the conversation like all dialogues, drifted away and I was left thinking, could that be a fact? Are we out there to do things our way and are actually ashamed of getting into the family business?
My father owns a saree shop, but he never asked me to get into the same. He never told me to learn about the cloth or the patterns or the latest trends. But is it that he secretly wanted me to join him, wanted me to take it ahead, to a new level. But then what about me? What about things that I want to do? What about my way of life? And just as I was still arguing on the same thoughts in my mind, the conversation went back to the old topic and the uncle who was leading the argument for the older generation, gave a killer line, ‘To keep the brightness in the house, one candle has to burn itself.’ I did not speak after that. I for the moment accepted the defeat and went into the contemplation mode.
What do you have to say on this? Are we running away?
I was a firm believer of the fact that, Bollywood should now move on to make some more intelligent movies, and Kaminey did fit into that frame (Although the end was mighty disappointing). But what I saw yesterday was a pure pleasure. I went to a rickety theatre in Rudrapur yesterday to see the Salman Khan starrer, ‘Wanted’, and all I can say is ‘Wow’! The film was a pure treat. With incredible action sequences, a stereotypical villain and an omnipresent hero, who claims his talent is to beat people up. The film is a pure masala, with something in it for everyone; it has got awesome music, an item number, the lime of comedy and amazing fight sequences. They may not be as a smart as the matrix, but the definitely are a perfect balance between expectable bollywood limits and the Rajnikant signature moves and the flying stunts. The sound mix and the editing could have been much better, but the films excellent flow, just erases all those defects from your mind. From time to time you brake into claps and loud laughters in the theatre, even though you realize its foolish, but you still do it because it really deserves the same. There is nothing new in the story line. An undercover cop, son of a retired police office, a villain settled abroad, a beautiful girl being troubled by policemen and the mob alike, the sudden song and dance breaks, in all a wonderful film. Director Prabhudeva, must be given full marks for his efforts of making a scene by scen replica of the Tollywood version, but even then it was good. The dances were all wonderful and very entertaining. I take my words back. There is a reason why these films work in India and that is because, it is a mass media and the audience does not constitute of the international film festival followers and self proclaimed intelligent audience. It consists of people from all categories who watch a movie to unwind themselves. I would give a 3.5 stars to Prabhudeva’s ‘Wanted’! Go watch it, you will come back with a smile. P.S.: I Love this line.... 'Ek baar maine commitment kardi, toh main khudki bhi nahin sunta' .. Wah ... Wah... :)
Sitting in the corner of the abandoned house, he was waiting. He was waiting for the time to come, when he will end it.
He was an animal waiting for his prey, sitting in silence, absolutely motionless, breathing, conserving his energy and building his determination. From the time he had known, it was always about survival. He did not know how he lived long enough to realize that, but since the time he gained consciousness, he remembered just one thing, he needs to fight, he needs to win. He needs to do that to stay alive.
Today he sat with a gun in his hand and blood flowing down his left shoulder, he has to finish it. Where it all began is difficult to know, but he knew it will end here. All was done, the war was on its last page, he knew it will be over soon. He was only an animal, waiting for his prey.
All that he had learned was one simple thing, that if he does not fight, he will stay hungry. He remembered hitting the older boy with a stone, snatching slices of bread from his hand and then running for it. He then sat in a dark street and savored it all. It was a victory and he now knew he needs to do that everyday. He stole milk, he became good at it.
He was now good enough to steal enough for his friends. Yes, he now had friends; well that’s what everyone on the outside believed. He knew, they were just all around him as long he gets them milk, he could tell. He understood the ultimate truth, everyone fights alone. Then a day came, when he was caught, caught in the act of stealing the milk, the survival instinct always in a hiding nearby, sprang to help and he bit the mans hand and ran, he ran far enough to avoid his clutches. But he was always alert. He was an animal.
He grew older and with the help of a stolen diet he grew stronger. He now feared no one. He knew he will live or die trying to. To him the world was nothing but a jungle and he was going to survive. He now stole vegetable trucks and sold the produce for cheap. All he wanted was enough money to buy him his meal. He now started getting more than what he could eat, so he gave it to people around. He never wanted more than what he immediately need. He never wanted anything but to survive. He was an animal.
He lived on the street and ate where he found food, all he needed was to fulfill his basic needs. He now kept no friends, he only looked for himself. The mobsters wanted to hire, they gave him money, a house, a gun! He threw it all, back at their faces. He was no servant, he was no human, he was animal. All he wanted to do was survive and he knew he will or die trying.
Walking down the lane, he was now teased, he would look at some humans and he would be uncomfortable, he needed something, he knew he had to fulfill it, he did not know how to fulfill it. He walked nights at long, he stayed up and sat in the stinking corner and then he was teased by the lady again. He looked at her with anger and rushed up the stairs to attack her. He attacked her and she guided him correctly. He was now satisfied. He was exhausted, but satisfied. He walked away a conquered man.
He now understood, he needed more than food and water, he needed something more, he went again sat there. The lady teased him again, he again ran up, but this time there was a block, she wanted money. He did not have any. She told him to go steal for some, he ran, he ran to get some. He sold the truck and ran back. Now he wanted money, he wanted money to satisfy himself. He threw the money on her face and pushed her on the floor. She was scented and he liked that, she was anxious and he liked that. He was an animal, he knew he was going to survive or die trying.
He stole the truck to sell the vegetables, but there was no vegetable in it, all he saw were boxes full of things, he knew no one could eat. He was about to abandon it when the bullet was fired. He ran to survive; he knew it was for his life. As he ran, the roadblock with a gun, jumped in sight. He jumped on him and survived with a gun to fight. But the time had struck and on the rainy day he saw the blood pouring from the left shoulder. He used his weapon and fought his way out alive, within no time there were very few that were to die. Just one man was in pursuit and he led him into this den.
He was now sitting in the corner of the abandoned house, he was waiting. He was waiting for the time to come, when he will end it.
He was an animal waiting for his prey, sitting in silence, absolutely motionless, breathing, conserving his energy and building his determination. From the time he had known, it was always about survival. He knew he will survive or die trying.
In the middle of the crowd of bustling crowd, she sat with her face hidden under her pallu. It was a different world. A lot had changed all of a sudden for her.
She was this young damsel in her village, walking to the market with her fellow young ladies of the village. She had a very simple routine life, get up early, clean the house, milk the cows, cook and then sit in the veranda with her mother and do the other essentials for the house.
At noon she took lunch for her father and came back walking with her head crouched to count the pebbles that were going to prick her moments later.
On one of the days when the sun was really harsh, she saw a few men passing her by. She walked in a haste and had passed them in no time. Later, she mustered the courage to look back and see who were they, she couldn’t really make out in the blistering sun, but they were walking towards her father’s field. She turned and continued to walk.
In the evening, when she was fresh from an afternoon nap and was preparing dinner, her father came and spoke to her mother in secret and later in the evening, she was given a new dress to wear and her mother called their neighbor to help her dress up. She did not understand a thing. Why was all this happening all of a sudden? And then she sat in the middle with men staring at her powdered face, with piercing eyes and all she could do was resist her urge to run inside.
Next day, her mother informed her that she was to be married to a young man and that she is very lucky. She was given even more new dresses and was treated like a little girl for next whole week. Her mother, did not allow her to do any work in the house hold, he father came home for lunch and the women from the neighborhood, teased her and gave her mischievous smiles.
Next she knew, she was in the mandap wearing her bridal attire and taking unknown vows with a man twice her size. She was afraid. She had no idea who this man was, what his business was, she had over heard someone saying that she was going to the city, she did not know what to do.
That night she was to leave to the city with her husband and she did not know anything. Her single suitcase was packed by her mother and was given to her. She came to her in her room moments before her departure, told her that it was her responsibility to keep her man happy and do as he said. He mother finally broke down and hugged her, this gave the much needed courage to her drought affected eyes and the floodgates were opened. She cried and then her mother consoled her. Her mother told her, she had been a wonderful and obedient daughter and now she must prove herself as a good wife. The weeping continued till there was a knock on the door and it was time to leave.
She sat in the bus all alone with a host of other relatives, blessing her and telling her things, which did not really understand, her comprehension had never been so weak but today it seems she had been sedated and all she could here is noise and was hoping that the understanding would come soon.
The bus started to move and she panicked, the seat next to her was empty, she had never traveled alone, she wanted to shout out where is the man who was suppose to be with me, where is my husband whom I am supposed to obey? But she was choked; her tongue had betrayed her and then as the bus was just about starts gathering some speed, the large man which she hoped was her husband entered the bus and sat on the empty seat next to her. The bus drove into the night and she did not know when she fell asleep, she woke up with a start as someone called out her name and she realized it was the large man sitting next to her. He told her to drink the cup of tea had brought for her and a large helping of snacks rapped in a paper, she had never had tea before this, her mother always told her that she was not old enough. She silently drank the tea and ate a small piece of the snack when she was asked to do so once again.
They got off the bus and she then entered a small plastered house with no real ventilation and really low sealing. On her way here, she was astonished by the size of the buildings. She saw men and women wear clothes she had only imagined film stars to wear, the one that she saw in the old cinema house in her village.
The house was untidy with things all over the place. Her large man put her suitcase in one corner and she went towards the same and sat in silence. He then removed his shirt and went for a bath. She had never seen someone like this, and did not know what just happened. He then came out of the shower in base minimum clothing and dressed up right in front of her. She continued to sit in her designated corner. He then told her that she can cook on the stove and asked her if she knew how to operate one, she just motioned her head in affirmative and then got up to cook.
He told her ot to worry about the food today, as he would get something from outside. In the evening, he announced, he would take her to the market so that she can buy the essential for the week. He then instructed her about taking the bath in the next room and went out. She somehow got ready and came out to find a man, a lady and her large man in the room. The large man motioned her to come towards them and the lady got up and spoke to her. She told her she stayed next door and had come here 3 months back. She told her that she can come and ask for help whenever she wanted and that she was very happy because she finally had company.
The men went away and she sat in the corner silently. He came back with food and instructed her to eat. In the evening he took her to a large grocery store and her mind began to spin there, she tried to buy whatever she could remember in small quantities and then came home to cook the first meal in the new house. The lady then came to her and spoke to her. She told her some things which she did not understand at all. She gave her a smile and wished her luck and went away.
The large man came home and she served him food, he insisted her to eat with him, but her mother had instructed her t always eat after all the men in the house have eaten and she said a polite no. She ate the leftovers after he had finished and then washed the utensils.
She came inside the house to see a single bed laid and was scared to think that the lady was actually speaking the truth and that it all will actually happen. She stood in one corner, her body petrified. The large man came in, locked the door and went on lie on the bed. He motioned her to come and lie to next to him, she obeyed. He then came close to her and started to remove her clothes, she wanted to stop him, but was scared of her. He then started moving around her body and then remover her clothes, the next few minutes very like centuries to her and then she felt a burning pain, she wanted to yell, but she suppressed the same, she was too scared to do anything and then slowly it all subsided, she did not dare open her eyes, but wanted it to continue. It all then ended and she felt a release, the arms that were holding her also loosened and she was sweating. She lay there is silence, scared to move a bit, she did not know what exactly happened, but it all seemed to be like her new neighbor had spoken. She did not realize when drifted into the arms of sleep and woke up early next morning with a start, she could feel nothing on her body and wanted to clean her selves completely, she rushed to room, took a bath and was ready. She than made tea and lunch for the large man and then waited for him to get up. He got up and unlike her father, demanded tea, even before taking a bath. He then told her to pack the food for both of them and asked her to get ready to leave.
She did as she was instructed and went along with him. They reached a small garden and saw various small temporary shops, he got into one of them, opened the large package he was carrying, they contained all the various clothing’s, that women in her village make and started arranging them. It looked like one of the shops she had seen in the ‘mela’ last year, only it was much bigger. She was asked to sit in one corner, and she obeyed to do the same, while her large man, her owner, her husband went on with his business.
In the middle of the crowd of bustling crowd, she sat with her face hidden under her pallu. It was a different world. A lot had changed all of a sudden for her.
The head tilted toward the floor to observe the flooring patter and the hand with neatly painted red nails just lying casually on the legs folded over each other and the other hand playing with the corners of the book on the lap, she was in her own world. She sat there in her black shirt and grey trousers waiting for the events to unfold.
As she sat there, she saw the faces of drooling men eyeing here, from the back of her head, looking for every opportunity to pounce on her. All were cautious and she did not care. These were an everyday thing and she had no pride in the same. Every girl goes through these times a million times a day and they all know how to handle is all at their own levels.
Today she was in a different world she had come for an interview, and she already knew she would get it, she was prettiest of all and was definitely more qualified, no matter what people say, a beautiful girl always get the job, and she knew it. She had made it a point to visit the temples of beauty every week to spend her weekly expenditure on maintaining what she had inherited and thus safe guarding her monthly income. But was she happy….
She asked the same question to herself each day and each time she got the same answer.
She was in a world full of story tellers. They all saw or heard these stories and reproduced the enhanced versions with varied adjectives and twists and turns. To her they were as important as a critique to a writer and she gave them their due respect. She presented her best self and carried a smile all over. Her walk had a style which stopped the onlookers’ heart, she dressed like a powerful women that allowed her to stop the traffic, and her hair would bounce in its twists and twirls as she waved them around. All this, but was she happy…
Once she was traveling back late after a party and didn’t have sufficient change in her wallet, all she had to do was request and the driver obliged. He was there the next morning to pick her up and drop her at her destination and took the necessary fare from next day onwards. She knew she had powers and she made use of the same. She never got wet while going for an important meeting, she never got mud marks on her white stiletto’s, she never saw a wrinkle on her face and even her nail did ever brake. But was she happy…
The times came and went by and her friends decided not to stand by, but she continued her journey towards nothingness and walked all the way with a sense of pride. There were times when she was referred as a witch, a bitch and was given the ultimate honor of being a whore, but she continued to display her humble self and walked by the spectators waving a smile at them. She knew she was right and had a right to live her life. She knew she did not need a wring on her finger to be satisfied. She had taken herself to the most primitive times and her world only identified the most basic system of barter, a simple give and take. But was she happy…
The answer was yes.
All she cared was her own life and had no regrets about the same. She lived her life on her times, the word emotions were a temporary phase for her which she would respect and then forget with time. She knew she had to sit and cry some day and has to give in her share to the weeping river of tears, but she decided it was not today. There will be a time when she won’t turn heads, when men will not flock her, when her face will be wrinkled and she will be immersed in her glass of gin and the smoky air, she left all the crying to that day.
She had decided to smile and live her life and cry on the last day to pay her tribute to the various souls who helped her smile through the golden phase. She knew she had sinned in the court of the lord, but decided to ask forgiveness after she had done it all, but until that day she would sit and smile and let world around her look at her in despise.
Simple observer of things around me and this is one of the places that I think I can store interesting observations and experiences in my life.
I am also a part time writer and philosopher (Self Proclaimed)! You will occasionally find work based on these part time hobbies here!
I also love watching movies and hope to make some of my own someday!
You can also read my other blog at http://anky-id-ego-superego.blogspot.com/
